I chase the chickens from my grandmother's lawn because she is no longer able to. Four decades of rheumatics left her unable to stumble--much less walk--along uneven terrain, so now this job belongs to me. I guard against this free-range militia. I stave off the barbarians--back! back across the wall!--I shout. I also act as groundskeeper, chef in a two-star dive, and chauffeur. I'm the chief of staff in a single story ranch style palace; I feed the cats....

I would've spent a much longer time working on my essays, but...