At the end of summer, you’ll be heading back to school, but this time it’s different – you’ll be in college.
For most people, college is the first escape from living under your parents’ roof. You are finally a strong and independent individual ready to make sensible and reasonable choices. However, there is one thing standing in your way, one thing that could determine the entire year…your college roommate. We have a step-by-step guide on exactly how to treat your roommate with the respect that they deserve. Here is a list of DO NOT’S.
1) Borrow their clothes without asking
Nothing screams friendship like unsolicited trading of clothing. You did it with your siblings at home, and what is your college roommate, if not a pseudo-brother or sister? Personally, we suggest waiting until they go away for the weekend to test out their new wardrobe. If you are caught, remain calm and claim undiagnosed kleptomania.
2) Invite 10 high school friends to crash
Your new college friends are amazing! You love your roommate and you want them to know you better. Luckily, you grew up nearby and all of your high school friends are still close by. They’re mostly working on their EDM music at their parents house, just waiting until they become the next Diplo, so give them a call! Have them come crash on your dorm floor. Dorm rooms are spacious.
3) Eat their food but freak out if they eat yours
Your roommate’s mom just dropped a goodie bag filled with incredible snacks. Obviously you take a look. Firstly, ignore the note that says “I love you darling, stay strong - you only have to live with them for the year!” (what on earth is she talking about?). Then dig in! But do not reciprocate! Allowing someone to eat your food shows weakness, and that is never something you want to display to a college roommate!
4) Take very long early morning showers
Your dorm has an ensuite bathroom that your room shares with your three suitemates. Amazing, you lucked out! Throw on some T-Swift and sing your heart out for 30 minutes. They probably don’t have morning classes, and they know how much you need your beauty showers.
5) Talk to your long distance BF/GF on the phone
I know everyone told you it wouldn’t work, that you are too young to know what you want, and to use your time at college to explore your options…THEY DON’T UNDERSTAND YOUR LOVE. Stay strong. Our main advice would be to speak on the phone at least 3-4 times a day. Make sure that you fall asleep on the phone together while you loudly describe your day in excruciating detail.
6) Never bring out your key/Lose it regularly
Remembering things can be tough, especially keys. In high school, mom was always ready to wake up at 3AM as she heard you trying to scramble into the house. College is exactly the same. Your roommate is essentially a designated doorman. Whenever you come home you have someone to open the door for you!
P.S. If you wish to go pro, then lose your key entirely - you haven’t experienced fun until a locksmith has to change the lock because of your absent mindedness!
7) Always be naked
Need we say more?
8) Buy a pet rat
Your dorm room has a strict no pet policy, but is it a rule? Or simply a challenge? You impulsively buy a rat because you think it will be easily concealable, and it means you are essentially going to Hogwarts for four years. Don’t ask your roommate on their opinion, you guys have been on the same brainwave so far, and you know they will support your decision. You know what, buy them an owl while you’re at it!
9) Leave food out so your pet can have rat friends
Turns our rats are incredibly social animals and yours seems to be getting depressed. You are too busy going out and making your own friends plus you don’t actually care enough about little Scabbers to spend more time with him. Need a solution? Don’t throw away any of your trash! Soon enough your little guy will have little rat friends to play with.
10) Treat the room as your love den without a pre-determined system of setting boundaries
You ended the long distance relationship and decided to do some soul searching. No need to put a sock on the door, it’s not a Van Wilder movie no one does that anymore! It’s college! Everyone is open minded and free spirited. Share your experiences with the whole dorm. Your roommate will love the surprise after a long night studying at the library!
If you have advice that you think will work better, leave a comment below.
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